I may not be what I want to be, but thank goodness I am not who I used to be. There is a lesson in every failure. We can fail forward. It's not final because of these mistakes...Tim Storey
I had gotten myself into credit card debt. I was thankful for all the things I had purchased with the money that I had "borrowed." I accepted where I was with the debt and put a plan in place to pay it off comfortably, with grace and appreciation. However, there was a big part that felt heavy and uncomfortable. It was the fact that my husband was not in the know.
My husband has a great relationship with money. He knows how to save it and use it wisely. He is also a huge advocate of avoiding interest payments. With this in mind, I chose to keep my debt from him and tell him about it once it was gone. While I tried to convince myself this was the perfect plan, it didn't feel that way. I quickly realized I never wanted to get into this situation again. I was conscious enough to believe there was a lesson to be learned here and that if I took the time to nurture this problem and work through it that an opportunity would be waiting for me on the other side.
This deep desire and interest to learn more about myself and my relationship with money activated the Universe in a miraculous way. The Universe took a hold of my hand. On my end, I put energy in motion by taking small steps such as reading a spiritual book about money, listened to spiritual lessons/webinars related to money and finally, I researched and scheduled a time to meet with a teacher for Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) coaching with a focus on my money story.
I wasn't able to get an appointment immediately. I was not pleased with this because I'm all about instant gratification but figured it was worth the two months wait.
A couple of months passed and the EFT appointment was right around the corner. I was going to cancel because at this point I was definitely in my savings mode. My mind told me not to spend the money on the session but my heart felt differently. I told myself this would be the last splurge and kept the appointment.
I met with the Spiritual EFT teacher. The session which I thought would be all about correcting my personal money story went a different direction. It brought up resentment and hurt feelings that I thought I had released from a disagreement that I had with my husband a few months prior. The disagreement had nothing to do with my money situation -- or at least that's what I had thought. The tapping brought up the feelings from that heavy discussion to light (a good hours worth). I chose to ignore the exercise she recommended I do, which was to speak to my husband about that past discussion, how I had perceived it, and the credit card debt. Nope, no thanks. Not the advice I wanted to hear nor the exercise I was going to partake in.
The Universe noticed that I had ignored one of it's biggest signs so it got a little more clear on its delivery. It was Sunday and my husband and I were headed to a brunch with his family and he starts going through the mail to kill some time before we left. He opens a few envelopes. Trashes them and goes for another. Opens it and in his hands, he has my credit card statement (which I thought was all electronic and paperless). Right there, in bold print, he see's my outstanding balance. He was completely shocked and had me confirm that this was correct. My heart dropped. Heat rushed to my face and then through my body. My eyes immediately looked down. I felt horrible that I had kept this from him. I went against our agreement to share everything. There was shame and guilt that I had gotten myself into this situation. I had been exposed. Needless to say, I did a lot of reflecting and I mean, a lot.
The spiritual money book that I was reading, the EFT session, the credit card statement in the mail all came together in the most divine order. The Universe responded to my genuine desire to find the lesson in my mistake, stayed along side me, held my hand, and kept me on this path to uncover the opportunity that lied on the other side of this.
I shared with my husband all that I had been learning about myself and my relationship with money. We even revisited that disagreement we had a few months back. We identified some patterns and connections that played a part in getting into this situation.
The most important elements in a marriage are truth, communication, compassion, and forgiveness. All of which were layered into this moment. Our relationship deepened and our hearts expanded. Now the plan I had originally put in place changed. It became a better and stronger plan. I had clarity, support, and the beautiful power that comes from the freedom to talk about it v/s keeping it hidden.
For fun, I picked up a copy of "The Secret," again for encouragement in a lighthearted way. I had no idea that this time around I would connect with this book in a much deeper way. It's amazing how the Universe worked with me to get me to where I am today -- credit card free and this time around with a new understanding, appreciation, and relationship to money! Just as importantly, my husband and I reached a new level of transparency with finances and money is now a topic we look forward to talking about. Now, that's something to celebrate!
I identified the problem, accepted it, made the decision to change it and took small steps. I believed wholeheartedly that a great opportunity lied on the other side of this challenge. I got very clear on what I wanted to accomplish. I prayed about it. I took inspired action to work on changing my situation (learning, reading, seeking guidance, etc). I look back now and see how the Universe responded, how it collaborated with me and carried me to a better place -- much better than my original plan of paying off the debt on my own and later sharing that with my husband. I am so thankful for the many lessons wrapped into one outstanding credit card balance.
(To my partner, The Universe, I thank you!)
(To my husband, you never stop surprising me. I so appreciate you and our marriage!)
May this message connect and inspire someone out there.
Connect. Learn. Try. Give.
KCG